Sorry, Love

I feel at times I've fostered the impression that I hate Philadelphia, but honestly, it's not true. I have already copped to a certain amount of fear and loathing when we first arrived, but that was to be expected. Pond hopping brings with it great growing pains, a fact to which anyone who has swapped cities can attest. But that was eons ago, and nowadays any harsh words I utter have less to do with my actual environs and everything to do with impatience at our current situation. Unfortunately, Philadelphia turned a raw deal in the circumstances that brought us to its gates. I truly believe even if we had moved to the veritable gardens of Eden, I would have faced the same feelings and frustrations I've encountered here.

Indeed, as recent as yesterday, I thought how nice it would be to live here as regular, non-matriculating adults. Don't worry, mom, just a thought, but there is a small part of me that is wary of the return to Seattle post-graduation. In many ways, it would be so much easier to stay here and transition to the next chapter without another uprooting and replanting. To accept one of the job offers Gus has here and start house hunting in zip codes that begin with 1 rather than 9.

Because despite my initial intentions otherwise, I've put down roots here. As hard as I may have tried, it's impossible to hold a place at arm's length for three years; I now truly consider this distant place my home. I have friends here that I cannot imagine life without, plenty of favorites and familiars and I've grown genuinely fond and proud of this place, this pace, this east coast way of life.

Sometimes I worry I won't like it in Seattle. Have I been away too long, seen too much, outgrown my hometown? Has my eye been caught by something bigger, brighter and shinier? What if she and I don't get along after all this time apart? Unlike with Seattle, I don't know the sordid details of Philadelphia's past and it doesn't know mine. This city doesn't haunt me with who I was or what I did so many years ago; it takes me as who I am today and I return this gift in kind. Philadelphia holds the possibility for anonymity and reinvention without tattling over my shoulder tales of contradiction and contempt.

Tonight, as I walked home from running errands under a brisk black and blue sky, every pub, deli and pizza joint along the way was brightly lit with a television tuned to tonight's game. Townies gathered together in their red and white garb to cheer on our reigning World Series Champs as they face off against the LA Dodgers. If nothing else, it is so refreshing to be associated with an abundance of half-priced wings and the Philadelphia Phillies instead of all-you-can-eat gluten-free dog biscuits and the Seattle Mariners. Go Phils!